Round 1 (Cont.) Days 9 -18

Round 1 Day 9: Checking In:. Tuesday Lab work day was a good day. It was hard to get me to even get out of the car and go into the oncologists because I still had a looming sadness but once I actually got my doctor seated and asked him my questions, I felt so much better much like my dark cloud had been lifted. Labs were good except for the expected low white blood count which is why I have felt very fluy the past few days but Dr. said they should come up this week. My chemo fog brain lifted on Monday which was one of the biggest issues and fears I have been having with all this. I was afraid I would be in that haze until the chemo was over and I do not like being there. I told the Dr. Side effects have been managed but that I had extreme depression. He told me it probably wasn't so much the chemicals as it was that I finally faced and accepted what was happening and that I had hit a wall. He offered me whatever anti-depressants I wanted to which I declined because I am trying to keep away from that feeling of being detached, plus honestly the chemo made me so numb both physically and mentally that at least even though I was in some pretty bad emotional pain I was felling something. He said that the chemo should not get any worse that it could possibly get better or stay the same, so at least now I know what I am dealing with and this fears have been squashed and hopefully I can go through the rest of the chemo without having an emotional relapse every session. I asked if I was a good little girl and my tumors shrank if we could cut the chemo sessions to which his reply was absolutely! His attitude is it is aggressive and we want to get it all and make sure we leave no looming sneaky hiding cancer cells behind so we are doing to do it right the first time. Have I mentioned my oncologist has long hair....what is up with that? I mean it looks good on him he definitely looks better with long hair than he did with short, but you give people drugs that make their hair fall out and here you come waltzing in with your long flowing mean, I am going to have to ask him what's up with that especially when I lose all my hair and he will be taunting me with his. So now that I know what I am dealing with and I can kind of map out what days I will be feeling which way I feel so much better about this whole cancer treatment business. There was one thing he mentioned that I did disagree with. He knows I am a bit of a naturalist and I don't like taking pills so he had suggested l methyl folate which is in the vitamin b category to make me feel better emotionally. I use to love vitamin b's, I took them all the time because they did make me feel better and then I came across was a study done by St. Michaels Hospital stating large amounts of folic acid shown to promote growth of breast cancer in rats. I remembered having a very ah-ha moment of how I possibly ended up with breast cancer in the first place when I read it. So naturally I will not be taking the l methyl folate.

Round 1 Day 15:  I have my appetite back, I have energy, I feel good and I can actually taste stuff so that is all good. Of course they say it's always right before you go back in that you will feel the best throughout this craziness. Luckily I don't have to go in for round 2 of chemo until Tuesday, so I get 6 more days, Yay! My hair is finally starting to go; I think I will probably let Lux shave my head this weekend. Its crazy I think because it is all about to fall out it is literally making a last stand and standing up and acting crazy. I've pretty much already resorted to wearing a hat all the time now anyway so no big deal. I will keep you posted on how things are moving along, but this week I am cramming in as much as possible before round 2. So other than nose bleeds and hair falling out things are good.

Round 1 Day 16: Hair today, gone tomorrow....My hair was coming out like crazy last night so I let Lux and Dylan buzz it for me. Surprisingly it was not upsetting, and to be honest I kind of like it.

Round 1: Day 18: hair is almost all gone, closer to becoming a human department store mannequin.

P.S. Thank you all so very very much for the prayers, light, and love it really does work and it really does help me. Sending out my love and happy thoughts to each and every one of you who are reading about my journey and in some ways going through it with me.