A Break Before Part 2!

I am very happy that I got to take a well-deserved break before part 2 of my cancer fight.  Thanks to some of our friends in California, we got to go to Disneyland! I had never been to Disneyland. It truly is a magical place. One of the many crappy parts of having cancer is the way it messes with you mentally. I remember being on one of the rides thinking about how amazing it was and then wanting to cry because I don’t want this to be it, I don't want to be killed by this disease. I know that stage 3 breast cancer is totally beatable and that there is a 52% chance that I will survive without it returning, but I still have that dark cloud inside my head that says there is a 48% chance I might not beat it. I constantly have to argue with myself and squash the negative monster inside that likes to scare me. I sound like a crazy person right? Cancer also makes you a crazy person, apparently. I am not complaining or being pitiful.  I'm just trying to inform on what this journey has done to me. For example, here are some minor annoyances of being a woman going through cancer treatments. It takes me at least 30 minutes just to draw on eyebrows and get them even. My eyes are constantly watering because most of my eyelashes, which collect dust and particles in the air, are gone. Not to mention that I have to always have a tissue handy because I have also lost most of my nose hairs and when my nose runs I am a snotty mess…..funny, but gross. The fact that I have pretty much been on anti-biotics for the last past 6 months due to me constantly having some sort of infection means I am not allowed to exercise. Because of that and what my body has been going through, I am so stiff and achy. I feel like I have the body of an 80 year old woman. The hair on my head is finally starting to come back, although it is very sparse and coming in very slowly. I am now at a point where I can no longer rock it bald because I have weird spikes of straggly, sparse, baby fine hairs on my head. I feel like a Chia Pet Head. The only saving grace from the minor annoyances is that I know in time these will all be remedied. I suppose I should just look at it as a lesson in having patience. My vacation to L.A. was a nice escape, but I am glad to be home. I am not so much looking forward to part 2 of my journey, which begins with PET scans tomorrow and then doctor visits the rest of the week, but at least I am re-energized to continue my battle.